I mean just think about it ……Murthy is back heading up Infosys, Sanjay Dutt is back in jail, Madhuri is back in Bollywood, Nawaz Sharif is back as the Pakistan PM, the GDP is back to 5% and Dalmiya is back in the BCCI. OMG !! It’s the 90’s!!!
But first and foremost (in the interests of increasing the television TRP’s of all the Indian news channels) everyone and their mothers need to know about the IPL fixing and gambling scandal.
I found out about this while walking in Candolim one evening, when I passed a bungalow called “BannersBroker.” Through the window I could see men shouting passionately at a TV screen, which was showing a horse race. Right away I suspected that these men were bookies, because :-
(a) only bookies believe that race horses on television can hear them, and...
(b) most of them had large briefcases and sported the latest smart phones. One or two of them were missing key teeth (the men, I mean).
I decided, as a concerned citizen, that I needed to investigate. So I went inside "BannersBroker", and sure enough, it was a bookie operation, operating openly. Then I saw it: A sign that said “BET ON ANY IPL EVENT.”
I was stunned !! Indian Cricket is not supposed to be about money. Indian Cricket is supposed to be about sportsmanship, about national pride, about the untainted beauty of pure competition and love for the "Gentleman’s Game"!! So you can imagine how excited I was when I found out I could bet on it.
I put ₹100 on whether or not anyone would be slapped, hugged or called a “monkey” by Bhajji of the Mumbai Indians, who were in the semi-finals.
Then I scurried on back home to watch Maria Sharapova play her singles match in the French Open. The match live-streamed on the Internet.
They have the Internet streaming over here in Goa, although most times it goes in the opposite direction.
Maria Sharapova was playing the Chinese Su-Wei Hsieh, who – if you know anything about international competition at this level – were two women in short skirts, wearing matching underwear.
It was a tense match. Never before have I watched women’s single tennis with so much interest in the actual score. But in the end, Maria won, which meant that she moved on to the next round, and – more important for Indian Cricket – I won ₹200.
My point is, there is Cricket gambling going on here, and I for one am shocked. Rest assured that I will investigate further.
Speaking of scandals involving sport: It turns out that athletes pee in the Olympic swimming pool. Seriously. Swimmers Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte revealed this to the Wall Street Journal.
And in an interview with famous personality Sunny Leone, Ryan said, “I think there’s just something about getting into chlorinated water that makes you just automatically go.”
Then Sherlyn Chopra, Hugh Hefner’s play-mate revealed that she sometimes peed in the Playboy Mansion pool. Not to be outdone, another athlete Abhinav Bindra, revealed that he, too, peed in the Olympic pool in Beijing. This was especially disturbing, because Bindra is an air-rifle shooter and we all know what that means.
No, that last one was a joke, and I hope China does not take offense, because their swimmers are trained in martial arts as well and could crush Abhinav’s skull like a grape using only a thumb and forefinger.
But all kidding aside, there apparently is an epidemic of peeing going on in swimming pools, and it took Shilpa Shetty to raise the troubling question: Why, exactly, is Sunny Leone a famous personality? To which Sreesanth replied: That's because she does not need a towel, considering she has nothing to hide.
