Dirty Word Scrabble anyone ?
Stumbled out of bed this morning……looked at the clock, I had overslept, this in spite of my alarm going off every 5 minutes after I hit the snooze button. Stubbed my toe on the bed post and in the space of 30 seconds, for the second time this a.m. mouthed a popular dirty word which begins with the letter “S”.For all future references this “S” word shall be referred to as “shizzle”.
I am definitely not a morning person. But I have to reach the airport by 6 a.m. today. Why is that you ask?
Well today’s the day Nandini and Aparna are coming to visit, and to make you guys green with envy, I have to tell you; these babes are hotttt , positively sizzling! and they’re coming to visit ME, so suck on that!
Although I can almost hear Aparna sound off with the F-word if I don’t get to the airport on time to pick them up. For all future references the F-word will be referred to as “fudge”.
I always get grumpy at the fact that, after I have hit the snooze button and turned back to sleep, the clock continues to run.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if, after we’ve hit the snooze button, time just stands still, so that a couple of hours later, when we actually get out of bed, via a natural process of yawning, flatulence and scratching it is still the time we set the alarm for.
But the system doesn’t work that way, and that ol’ clock just keeps moving along, making me say “shizzle” at times like these.
I remember saying it right into the ear of my daughter Lekha, at the tender age of four. Lekha would sometimes crawl into our bed in the middle of the night because of nightmares. I’m guessing it’s because she slept with a Pacman printed blanket, that looked like a beheaded chicken chasing black tar-babies.
I immediately regretted opening my morning-breath mouth, but she was pretty cool. She matter of factly said, “Baba, you should not say shizzle.” Only she did not say “shizzle”, she actually said shizzle, you understand.
And she said it so maturely so as to indicate that she was merely trying to discipline me, and got no joy from it whatsoever.How do kids get to be this way.
Isn’t it strange that when I said”shizzle” I was neither referring to the actual substance, nor attempting to represent it.
What I was doing was vocalizing my frustration and anger at being late, and instead of saying, “I feel agonized, frustrated and angry at my tardiness this morning” for the sake of brevity I said”shizzle” and was corrected in no uncertain terms, and this from a child who consistently wore her shoes on the wrong feet.
It’s ironical that through the ages famous writers like Arthur Conan Doyle have penned dirty words that now is considered literature.
In Sherlock Holmes for example the following appears in Act I Scene III , Row IV and Seats VII & VIII :
Holmes : What the fudge do you deduct Mr Watson ?
Watson : That there are a shizzle-load of stars in the sky Mr.Holmes.
Holmes : No, think again Mr.Watson.
Watson : Oh! Someone has stolen our fudging tent!
Holmes : Fudging elementary my dear Watson.
Today fudge is also used in major motion pictures, and when someone cuts us off in traffic.
But when you consider what the word describes and listen to psychoanalysts going on ad nauseum about the relationship between sex and hostility, you just know they’re full of shizzle.
We tend to use fudge in lieu of a nasty comeback as a very witty insult.
Unlike the great sage Birbal, when the Emperor Akbar asked him stupid questions at parties, most of us don’t think of good comebacks until a month afterwards when in the loo, so we tend to go for fudge as a substitute.
I disprove of fudge, since it generally tends to lead to violence and sometimes stabbings. So when we anger each other with a fender bender in traffic, we should exchange phone numbers and call up the other person when we have had the time to think of a really witty insult.
But I think shizzle should be made should be made an acceptable expression for despicable alarms and tyres that go flat in the middle of nowhere.
Aparna used it extensively when she deleted all the Goa visit pics from her camera.
I dread to think what will happen when she gets a cell phone with a camera. Instead of receiving an sms, we can instead expect multiple pictures of her nose!!
Shizzle was also used when dropping the ladies off at the airport, because, guess what? Time kept moving after the morning alarm, again!
