TRAVEL BUGS & OTHER INSECTS
Nalini and Arun arrived the other day. He asked me, "Kenneth where's the toilet?" to which I answered,"Inside that room to the left." And from that point on we were close friends.
Which is why I also allowed him to pick up the tab for dinner at the Taj Village. Truth be told I worry about eating at five-star restaurants, you never know which celebrity is sitting at the next table and getting all the attention while you desperately try to catch the waiter's eye. And sometimes the pedigree of the seafood is highly suspect. I mean, they tell you the red snapper is fresh but for all you know he's just been dallying with the shell fish! And you end up with an allergy. Uh oh! I can see Nadia roll her eyes and go,"Corrrnyyyy!!"
Note:watch out for the asterisks!
This is an amazing couple*. SHE moved from the US to the UK**, HE remains in the USA till the adoption is complete - oh! didn't i tell you? They are adopting a beautiful baby girl from a centre in Pune. And they bought an apartment right here, in our li'l ol' building in Goa! And made ME the Godfather ....... of the apartment.
They regaled us with their travels around the world especially the Greek islands which brings to mind the words of that famous Greek philosopher Polygamius of Sticitomaedia***. Words which when taken to heart by the ancient greeks turned them into famous athletes, notably runners,jumpers and running jumpers.This activity prompted the invention of the Olympic Games. Of course it also explains the high quantum and availability of all those vestal virgins standing around lighting the Olympic Flame.
Which makes me wonder why mankind always had a hunger for travel. Was it to get away from the humdrum of life's daily chores, was it to acquire a better class of neighbour, was it to discover new cuisine?
Marco Polo would be sitting around in Kublai Khan's court, eating rice noodles and he'd turn to his wife and say,"Dona I have a hunger for more travel." And Donata would instantly agree because she had reached the point where she was ready to hang herself if she read one more zen fortune cookie.****So off they went, to see new sights and discover new cultures, eat different foods and encounter new intestinal bacteria, learn new phrases for 'Where's the toilet' and eventually return home to Venice and ask the ancient traveller's timeless question, "Hey! Isn't this where our house used to be!?"
Modern day travel is so much simpler. In ancient times it took weeks, sometimes months to get from Bangalore to Delhi; but today, because of fog at Indira Gandhi airport you can't get there at all.
Besides much of ancient India was occupied by foreign empires such as the Mughal Empire, and the British Empire.
They had no concept of visas, did not accept credit cards, and had no bottled water. Travel was a dangerous experience due to wild jungle animals, highway brigands,***** and scurvy; but mostly it was very boring since they did not have portable generators to allow you to plug in your laptops or dvd players.
With modern day conveniences such as "Travel Agencies", "MagicalMysteryTours.com", and "Relatives Living at Your Destination" your journey and stay becomes a shoo-in.
Beware of travel agents though. The latest trend in marketing mantras dictates, "Tell the client whatever you think they want to hear."
They'll promise you a gourmet tandoori meal at The Castle Resort in Timbuktu, but when you arrive you discover that the only way to get to the tents you'll live in is on camel back, and you have to share a communal bathroom with several Tuareg tribes.
The food will be (of course) camel milk tofu and salt, and you won't be able to contact your travel representative, because he's not even in the country, because he's spending HIS family vacation at The Forum in Bangalore.
Of course you can decide on a domestic travel destination. Most domestic travel destinations are located right here in India, apart from a few exceptions such as Kashmir.
This is a big advantage since you are never far from a roadside dhaba and tandoori chicken, and there's the freedom of the open-air "organic" field toilet, and you can always feel like you are in a foreign country if you are a Hindi-speaking North Indian travelling in the South or vice-versa.
Best of all though you will be getting ripped off only in Indian currency.
In a foreign country you never have the slightest clue how much anything costs.
Foreign countries have confusing currency like the Dollar, the Euro, the Pound, the Kilo, the Yen, the Baht, the Shower and the Bidet.
Not one of these is equal to the Rupee and depending on the phases of the moon keep changing in relation to every other currency.
Of course you will still feel like the Universal Tourist when you arrive at your hotel in Anjuna and ask the modern day travellers timeless question,"What!? You don't have my reservation!?"
KEY TO ASTERISKS
(*) means asterisk
* Nalini and Arun, not the red snapper and the shell fish - "Oh Lorrrd!"goes Nadia.
** The Indian motherland,though many Goans still refer to their motherland as Portugal!
***"When in Rome do as the Romans do, but when in Greece don't bend over."
****Cookies like: Confucius say,"Money he talk - mostry he say,"Goodbye." and,"Never shove your granny when she shave".
*****they call them traffic policemen nowadays
Which is why I also allowed him to pick up the tab for dinner at the Taj Village. Truth be told I worry about eating at five-star restaurants, you never know which celebrity is sitting at the next table and getting all the attention while you desperately try to catch the waiter's eye. And sometimes the pedigree of the seafood is highly suspect. I mean, they tell you the red snapper is fresh but for all you know he's just been dallying with the shell fish! And you end up with an allergy. Uh oh! I can see Nadia roll her eyes and go,"Corrrnyyyy!!"
Note:watch out for the asterisks!
This is an amazing couple*. SHE moved from the US to the UK**, HE remains in the USA till the adoption is complete - oh! didn't i tell you? They are adopting a beautiful baby girl from a centre in Pune. And they bought an apartment right here, in our li'l ol' building in Goa! And made ME the Godfather ....... of the apartment.
They regaled us with their travels around the world especially the Greek islands which brings to mind the words of that famous Greek philosopher Polygamius of Sticitomaedia***. Words which when taken to heart by the ancient greeks turned them into famous athletes, notably runners,jumpers and running jumpers.This activity prompted the invention of the Olympic Games. Of course it also explains the high quantum and availability of all those vestal virgins standing around lighting the Olympic Flame.
Which makes me wonder why mankind always had a hunger for travel. Was it to get away from the humdrum of life's daily chores, was it to acquire a better class of neighbour, was it to discover new cuisine?
Marco Polo would be sitting around in Kublai Khan's court, eating rice noodles and he'd turn to his wife and say,"Dona I have a hunger for more travel." And Donata would instantly agree because she had reached the point where she was ready to hang herself if she read one more zen fortune cookie.****So off they went, to see new sights and discover new cultures, eat different foods and encounter new intestinal bacteria, learn new phrases for 'Where's the toilet' and eventually return home to Venice and ask the ancient traveller's timeless question, "Hey! Isn't this where our house used to be!?"
Modern day travel is so much simpler. In ancient times it took weeks, sometimes months to get from Bangalore to Delhi; but today, because of fog at Indira Gandhi airport you can't get there at all.
Besides much of ancient India was occupied by foreign empires such as the Mughal Empire, and the British Empire.
They had no concept of visas, did not accept credit cards, and had no bottled water. Travel was a dangerous experience due to wild jungle animals, highway brigands,***** and scurvy; but mostly it was very boring since they did not have portable generators to allow you to plug in your laptops or dvd players.
With modern day conveniences such as "Travel Agencies", "MagicalMysteryTours.com", and "Relatives Living at Your Destination" your journey and stay becomes a shoo-in.
Beware of travel agents though. The latest trend in marketing mantras dictates, "Tell the client whatever you think they want to hear."
They'll promise you a gourmet tandoori meal at The Castle Resort in Timbuktu, but when you arrive you discover that the only way to get to the tents you'll live in is on camel back, and you have to share a communal bathroom with several Tuareg tribes.
The food will be (of course) camel milk tofu and salt, and you won't be able to contact your travel representative, because he's not even in the country, because he's spending HIS family vacation at The Forum in Bangalore.
Of course you can decide on a domestic travel destination. Most domestic travel destinations are located right here in India, apart from a few exceptions such as Kashmir.
This is a big advantage since you are never far from a roadside dhaba and tandoori chicken, and there's the freedom of the open-air "organic" field toilet, and you can always feel like you are in a foreign country if you are a Hindi-speaking North Indian travelling in the South or vice-versa.
Best of all though you will be getting ripped off only in Indian currency.
In a foreign country you never have the slightest clue how much anything costs.
Foreign countries have confusing currency like the Dollar, the Euro, the Pound, the Kilo, the Yen, the Baht, the Shower and the Bidet.
Not one of these is equal to the Rupee and depending on the phases of the moon keep changing in relation to every other currency.
Of course you will still feel like the Universal Tourist when you arrive at your hotel in Anjuna and ask the modern day travellers timeless question,"What!? You don't have my reservation!?"
KEY TO ASTERISKS
(*) means asterisk
* Nalini and Arun, not the red snapper and the shell fish - "Oh Lorrrd!"goes Nadia.
** The Indian motherland,though many Goans still refer to their motherland as Portugal!
***"When in Rome do as the Romans do, but when in Greece don't bend over."
****Cookies like: Confucius say,"Money he talk - mostry he say,"Goodbye." and,"Never shove your granny when she shave".
*****they call them traffic policemen nowadays
