A Pair of ...what?
Guys! Drop whatever you’re doing right now (unless it’s a baby) and check out the new Enamor ad doing the television rounds, involving man’s favourite subject “brassieres & bosoms”.
Every few seconds you hear the slogan, “I feel so beautiful inside” conjuring up all kinds of imagery of the male hormonal kind. Although it does feel nice to use the words “brassiere and bosoms” in the same sentence.
I hear tell that the Chinese are designing a special “Combat Bra” for it’s People’s Liberation Army and that our Ministry of Defense is “looking into it”
I recommend we write to our local MP or MLA to take up this issue in Parliament and undertake a large wasteful military research program to match China’s military programs.
We must always, “support our troops” and “keep abreast of our enemy”, and I am sure that our political arm will take a personal interest in its’ development, so much so that we can surge ahead of China by developing the Tactical Field Stealth Uni-Thong,(one size fits all)
Which reminds me of an “investigative” report in one woman’s magazine headed, “ARE YOU WEARING THE WRONG BRA SIZE??”
One would think that women were dropping like flies in the street from wearing wrong sized brassieres. I am therefore, genuinely interested in this problem, despite the fact that I do not even wear a brassiere except on very special occasions involving more than four bottles of beer.
I would also like to know why we say “a pair of shorts” or “a pair of trousers” but NOT “a pair of brassieres”?
My friend Milind, who has a keen interest in these issues, read the complete magazine report and informed me that it focuses on the tragic habit of “women who wear brassieres that are five sizes too small for their bosoms which leaves said bosoms with no choice but to spill out into the camera lens, a la Janet Jackson.”
This I then suspect must be the reason why one of our concerned legislators brought up the subject of the “menace” of topless sunbathers on Goan beaches.
Nadia,( remember her?, my beautiful ABCD co-conspirer!) who is from Los Angeles also tells me that they have a bosom problem there, but the California Tourist Bureau claims that most of the L.A. ones are artificial.
First of all, let me state on behalf of all the citizens of Goa and Goan Beaches that although there ARE topless women sunbathers in Goa, by no stretch of the imagination is this a “menace” and they are not “everywhere.”
If it were “infested” with topless women I would have definitely noticed, and it would have also featured on Voyager TV and the local weather report: “Reporter: The forecast for today is to look out for warmer temperatures and a proliferation of naked bosoms everywhere, so the public are advised to stay indoors with paper bags over their heads.”
Most of our topless sunbathers are European tourists. Europeans are of course immoral; they think nothing of toplessness or drinking warm beer.
For instance you can hardly walk around Europe without seeing topless marble Greek and Roman statues the size of elephants stating the classic concept: “I cannot find a marble brassiere or fig leaf in my size?”
So European women and men sunbathe topless, often with nothing covering their Euros either.
On my research trips to Goan beaches I’ve noticed that Europeans do not seem to notice that they are almost naked. But the Indians definitely notice THEM.
Indian women are subtle about it; they have the ability to notice a man’s Euro region with a Stealth Glance, so you can never actually tell what they are looking at.
Indian men, on the other hand are about as subtle as wild boar rooting in horse manure looking for truffles.
When an Indian male catches sight of a bosom, his head locks on to it, his eyeballs click and zoom in and you can almost hear an alarm-like siren in his head go, “BOSOM! BOSOM! BOSOM!”
As long as the said bosom is within range (about 10 kilometers) he has to look! He will not be able to think of anything else, will remain psychologically incapable of ignoring it, and physically his head will remain pointed towards it; this is the cause of the freighter River Princess running aground on Candolim beach.
I am therefore constrained to issue this following warning to tourists: IF YOU COME TO GOA AND GO TO THE BEACH THE RED BLOB MELTING ON THE SAND MAY BE A TOPLESS EUROPEAN SUNBATHER.
