The Future at Hand
Alexander Graham the inventor of the phrase, "Now why does that ring a bell?" would be a proud man if he could see the exponential way his invention has changed the face of communications.
Today's smart cell phones are so versatile that they fit right into your shoe heel, but I would recommend "heel-phones" only for professional contortionists since you would look funny having to remove your shoe every time it rings. Smelly socks?! Don’t even go there ! Talk about Bluetooth Halitosis! Yeesh!
Today's smart cell phones are so versatile that they fit right into your shoe heel, but I would recommend "heel-phones" only for professional contortionists since you would look funny having to remove your shoe every time it rings. Smelly socks?! Don’t even go there ! Talk about Bluetooth Halitosis! Yeesh!
A SIDE EFFECT OF THE HEEL-PHONE MAYBE ?
It's amazing the things that cell phones can accomplish nowadays; access the internet, distribute SMS spam, receive anonymous crank calls, take dirty pictures and movies, mp3 music and speed dial wrong numbers with accuracy.
Also one can receive unsolicited SMS in two different languages at once. Consider the following SMS from Vodaphone, "Ab life hui Mast! Bonus Card 59, Local VF2VF sirf 30p main, other mobile@50p landline Re.1 main. Validity 30 din." My friend Venugopal Iyer was so excited that he understood all of 10 words in English before he deleted it, though he wondered why they needed to raise a mast and main, and what the din was all about.
And then there's a whole new cyber language called smileys along with acronyms that go like this:
:) Smile
:-) Smile with long nose
:( Sad
:-( Sad about long nose
:-*( Sad about booger stuck in nose
LOL Laugh out loud
ROTFL Rolling on the floor laughing
LMAO Laughing my ass off
(Y) Booty
((Y)) Shaking my booty
(((Y))) Jennifer Lopez
(.)(.) Bosoms
((.)) ((.)) Playboy Mag. Centrefold
GRBWZEGFSKY The last line of my eye-chart or my Polish friend's name, I forget which.
So a typical SMS conversation would be:-
hi wassup
:)
bad weather here
LOL
hailstones broke my car windshield
ROTFLMAO
jerk :(
Early telephony consisted of a series of wires, switches and dials which connected everyone to everyone else and created a lot of confusion. This was known as the "party line" and was soon replaced by the personal telephone so you could talk to only one person at a time(Politicians call this "cutting across party lines") though not necessarily the person you really needed to speak to, since her father insisted on picking up the phone every time.
Then Martin Cooper invented the cell phone and freed up raging juvenile hormones everywhere....and telephonic cybersex was enhanced( :-Q .... Having a postcoital cybercigarette after cybersex )
Early cell phones weighed 200 kilos took 4 days to recharge their batteries and had to be hitched to a tractor. Modern day cell phones are small sleek and very sophisticated, their battery stops working right in the middle of an important conference call, leading to the discovery that the charger has been left plugged in the wall socket on the dresser at home. Yet they are so simple to use, that when my 3-year old neighbor’s son, who is continually trying to tie his own shoelaces and getting it wrong, picks up the phone he can effortlessly dial China direct.
What irks me though is how those telemarketers get my number and are able to sound so chirpy when they call me at 3 in the morning; "Good Morning Sir, We are proud to announce that as a select customer you have been chosen to receive a very special offer of a planner bound in calf-skin if you accept our credit card". I always picture these unsolicited callers as a group of Iraqi prisoners who are required to sell 500 credit cards per day or Pfc Lynndie England of Abu Ghraib fame will be let loose on them.( check out http://badgas.co.uk/lynndie/ for more hilarity on doing the “lynndie”)
And then there's the phone bill which comes at the end of every month. I seriously feel they have someone named Polly the Parrot making up my bills. They cleverly make the bills so voluminous thinking I won't notice. I'm not kidding, this is what the itemised portion of my telephone bill looks like:
CMR GROSS FREE DR CR UPTO FIXED CHARGES NIL
METERED CALL CHARGES 144.40
TRUNK CALL CHARGES 500.00
OVERSEAS CALL CHARGES (Country China) 5000.00
DEBITS AND EDUCATION CESS 5400.00
FACILITIES AMOUNT 3000.00
12% SERVICE TAX 2000.00
CREDITS 0.00
HIGHER EDUCATION CESS 1500.00
FIXED CHARGE 900.00
PACKAGE CHARGE FOR BILL DATED 19 B.C 500.00
MINERAL WATER TAX 750.00
TAX TO PAY OFF KARGIL WAR DEBT 2000.00
MINISTERIAL GRATUITY 500.00
There's always a clause that says ," If bills are not paid by date......". I always pay, because I'm afraid if I don't they'll send me a cyber Lynndie !
