Drink up lads ! There's always Tomorrow !
I decided to go check out the Bangalore Royal Challengers on Monday, to see how they look for next years’ IPL T20. This is important, because the Challengers represent Karnataka’s manhood, and this debut season we had the same community testosterone level as the audience for the President of Indias’ Speech to Brazils’ Parliament. The Challengers lost 10 games and won only 4, just ahead of Hyderabads’ Deccan Chargers.
FAQ’s
There were no papparazzi on hand when I went out to the Challengers camp on Monday, but I did get to watch some players in action. My overall impression of them is that they are quite large, for humans. The largest one I personally saw was Jaques Kallis, their No. 1 foreign pick, who is huge.
Q. How huge is he?
A. He must constantly brush away large birds trying to build nests on him.
So there's a lot of pressure on them to not suck so much next year. But the rumblings from the rumour mill has been troubling, especially the feud between Charu Sharma and the Kingfisher.
Sharma was, of course, the Challenger’s CEO. He's also considering a career in show business, since he has the kind of chiseled WWF-style looks, big muscles and receding hairline that many women find attractive.
Sharma was, of course, the Challenger’s CEO. He's also considering a career in show business, since he has the kind of chiseled WWF-style looks, big muscles and receding hairline that many women find attractive.
The Kingfisher is Vijay Mallya, who got his nickname from the fact that he breathes through gills while drinking beer, and can weigh up to 800 kilos. He is the Challenger’s Chairman cum Owner of T20 Operations, which means he runs the team from a secret underground bunker furnished entirely with beer bottle caps. The KF is a gruff, old-school racketeer. He is very hard-nosed.
Q. How hard-nosed is he?
A. He makes Dawood Ibrahim look like Wendell Rodricks.
A. He makes Dawood Ibrahim look like Wendell Rodricks.
ON PRIORITISING
The KF reportedly was unhappy about the fact that Sharma competed this season on Boogie Woogie, where he finished second to hair stylist Sylvie. This in itself shows you how far the Challengers have fallen. There is no way that, say, Fraser Castellino would have let that happen. He would have found a way to beat Sylvie, maybe with an ''accidental'' knee to the goolies while dancing to Disco Deewane. Those Rajasthan Royals just knew how to win.
The KF reportedly was unhappy about the fact that Sharma competed this season on Boogie Woogie, where he finished second to hair stylist Sylvie. This in itself shows you how far the Challengers have fallen. There is no way that, say, Fraser Castellino would have let that happen. He would have found a way to beat Sylvie, maybe with an ''accidental'' knee to the goolies while dancing to Disco Deewane. Those Rajasthan Royals just knew how to win.
But getting back to the Fisher-Sharma battle: It got even more feisty when Sharma, during a break from dancing, visited the Challenger’s training camp only to find that he was sacked by the Fisher. The KF later emerged from his bunker to claim that there was no sacking, that in fact he didn't even know Charu was in the room because he (the Fisher) was busy with choosing swimsuit models for his Royal Challenge calendar. I am not making any of this up. I heard the Sharma-Fisher-Sacking -vs.-Swimsuit Model story being hotly debated for two solid days on Doordarshan. This is what Challenger fans have been reduced to.
CHALLENGES AHEAD
So I would say the 2008 Challengers’ biggest strength, as a team, is their serve. Their biggest weakness, from what I saw, is gravitational pull. They were serving because they were playing in the Kingfisher Annual Charity Tennis tournament at Bangalore Tennis Club, which is a classy place, as you can tell by the ''C'' in ``Club.''
Before the tournament began I got a chance to size up Rahul Dravid, who's Captaining the team. This has turned out a weak spot for the Challengers, who had proposed many people as Captain, including at one point Sylvie.
Dravid is a professional, and he managed to remain poised in one of the most stressful situations a cricketer can face, namely, being interviewed at close range by extremely outgoing SET MAX TV personality and movie star Lekha.
Lekha was broadcasting from the hotel lobby (or, as they say at the Club, "the lounge") and I would conservatively estimate that by 10 a.m. she had consumed 72 cups of coffee. She began the interview with cricket questions, then switched tack, asking if Dravid had any children. Dravid said yes, he just had a son, at which point Lekha said: “So are you married?”
Dravid looked concerned -- you'd be concerned, too, if a movie star was tempting you in a sultry voice asking you if you were married -- but I thought he handled the situation well, assuring Lekha that he was happily married to a woman.
''You can't beat that home-grown girl!'' declared Lekha, shortly before Dravid fled to the safety of the cricket field.
Lekha was broadcasting from the hotel lobby (or, as they say at the Club, "the lounge") and I would conservatively estimate that by 10 a.m. she had consumed 72 cups of coffee. She began the interview with cricket questions, then switched tack, asking if Dravid had any children. Dravid said yes, he just had a son, at which point Lekha said: “So are you married?”
Dravid looked concerned -- you'd be concerned, too, if a movie star was tempting you in a sultry voice asking you if you were married -- but I thought he handled the situation well, assuring Lekha that he was happily married to a woman.
''You can't beat that home-grown girl!'' declared Lekha, shortly before Dravid fled to the safety of the cricket field.
IN CONCLUSION
So that's my in-house report on the Bangalore Royal Challengers. They have size, but although they serve well, their backhand is poor, although this could be offset by their ability to withstand the siren call of Goan Beaches unlike the Rajasthan Royals.
The big question is whether the Sharma and the Kingfisher will sit down, discuss their differences, kiss and make up, and if so, whether the Fisher will hear what either one of them is saying.
I predict that it's going to be an exciting and rewarding season for Challenger fans next year at the 2009 IPL, at least until it starts. Cheers !
