He’s running for P.M. again (yes, of the Republic of India). He thinks he’s currently leading every single poll by a wide margin, although you will read nothing about this in the so-called "mainstream" media. You can, however, find out where he stands on the issues by reading these FAQ's, which consists of Q's submitted by actual humans (I think) followed by his answers.
He updates these FAQ's regularly, so check back often. Or you can find something productive to do with your life. But jaagore.com doesn't recommend this.
Q: Did you ever figure out if the people asking questions here are real or not?
A: The people asking the questions are real. I, however, am a figment of their imagination.
Q: I think that it is both generous and innovative for you to allow Soniaji to be your co-P.M. and handle the day-to-day duties and burdens of the office while you pursue other interests in Switzerland. After your lobotomy, sorry, coronary bypass, will you be spending more time with your family?
A: My what?
Q: Should Indian reporters start wearing shoes to prime ministerial news conferences?
A: Or at very least, pants.
Q: How many votes would you expect to win in your constituency?
A: A LOT. Even more since I was never a resident of the actual constituency I’m representing.
Q: What are these rumors about Sunil Dutt getting through the recession by selling venison?
A: I cannot comment on that as the meat is very tasty and the matter is still sub-judice.
Q: I’m curious if you could pick any 4 people in the world to be in your cabinet who would they be?
A: I would definitely go with Morarji Desai for one.
Q: Have you had any trouble with your urine-conversion process?
A: With the beer input? No.
Q: And what about that other issue, the one we're not supposed to discuss?
A: Sorry Soniaji has specifically forbidden me to do so.
Q: Have you ever exaggerated the size of your, uh, crowds?
A: No, but I want to stress that during cold weather my crowd may appear smaller than it actually is.
Q: During coverage of Election results, why should all the TV networks use the color Pink for states you win?
A: Because I have joined "A Consortium of Pub-Going, Loose and Forward Women" on Facebook
Q: Are you going to appear on NDTV before the election?
A: I was on there, but they cut out my scene because of what they are calling a "wardrobe malfunction" involving my pink chaddis, which is totally bogus because as the so-called "mainstream" media is fully aware but refuses to report, I wasn't wearing any.
Q:Have you ever lost consciousness during a public appearance, and did the audience notice when they woke up?
A: No, because they lost consciousness first.
Q: What should the Members of Parliament do about Mamta Bannerjee? What would you do?
A: I would carefully weight all the options, then have somewhere between three and seven chota pegs.
Q: I've been asleep for the past 2 months and just woke up today. Did you win the election?
A: We're still waiting for some final recounts, but: Yes.
Q: Would the Pakistanis be to blame if you lose the majority vote?
A: No, I blame global warming. Although that could be caused by the Pakistanis.
Q: What will be the tenor of your administration?
A: To give all politicians more salaries and perks. To subvert all Supreme Court orders by changing the Laws of the Land. To rewrite the entire constitution. To tax the citizenry even to the extent that they have to pay for breathable air. What was your question again?
Q: If an IT professional immigrated to the US and became an American citizen but his job was outsourced to his high school classmate still living in India, can he expect a tax rebate?
A: We will tax his classmate to the fullest extent as an NRI outsourcee, unless either of these people sent me money?
Q: What exactly, without avoiding the question, is your policy on reservation?
A: I strongly agree with pretty much everybody.
Q: As candidate for P.M. who has your ear?
A: What?
Q: Is it too early to label it "the failed UPA administration"?
A: Duh.
Q: Have you given a thought to the fact that you might lose this election by a wide margin?
A: This thing is not over yet. All we need is a little momentum, by which I mean cash contributions that are not reported to anybody.
Q: When, it's finally voting day. Don't forget to vote for yourself. I myself voted for you here in Bangla Desh. No matter what happens, at least you've got a vote from one person in Bangla Desh.
A: Which is why I am officially declaring victory there, as well as Tibet.
Q: After waiting on line at my polling booth for three hours (and I never wait on line longer than 2 hours unless it's for the Merry-Go-Round ride at Esselworld), I found that my name wasn't even on the voters list! Talk about dirty-tricky voter suppression! Who can I sue (for a large amount of money) over this injustice?
A: Well, for starters, Satyam Computers.
Q: After you win the election, I must make one request: within your first 10 days in office, can you please make it illegal for any cricket player on the opposing team to be within 1kilometre of Preity Zinta during an IPL match. That dear, sweet, gorgeous woman might get hurt, I don't think that's right. P.S. can you also make a law naming me her only caregiver...I could 'nurse' her back to health.
A: Only if I can be opening batsman.
Q: We're "down to the wire" here... your campaign looks basically the same as when you started, that is to say, you haven't made or broken any promises to the Indian citizens, and what you have delivered is a message of hope (at least as it relates to more taxation and less public services, and law and order.)
A: Yes.
Q: How well do you expect to do in Gujarat where Modi will get 120% of the registered vote?
A: I expect to get 270 percent, thanks to the last-minute support of the 140 percent who are still undecided.
Q: How do you feel about the candidates running against you for P.M. this year?
A: The what?
Q: What's the best voter recruiting strategy, beer or booth-capturing?
A:
Q: The Congress Campaign has made this tense and over-wrought election season bearable through comic releif. If you lose this election, will you try again in 2014?
A: I am already accepting contributions for a triple bypass.
Q: I have no doubt that you are personally responsible for February’s disaster-free month in Mumbai. How were you able to accomplish this excellent feat?
A: We outsourced our disasters to the United States.
Q: As P.M. will you declare any new national holidays, and if so, what will they be named?
A: "Mangalvar” and "Budhvar" Also "Somvar."
Q: You and I were on a flight back from Nederlands to Delhi, some time ago. I was across the aisle from you, in business class. You, unlike most politicans, did nothing. You did not talk, wave your arms, order anyone around, maul the flight attendants, or disappear into a mysterious private back cabin. Actually, you acted disturbingly normal. Where you ill?
A: No. I was just
Q: Both the BJP and the CPM are prepared to declare a bandh if they lose the election. Are you prepared to declare a bandh if you lose?
A: No matter what happens, I think everybody involved should declare a bandh. This is India, dammit.
Q: This has been an enjoyable question and answer experience. Is there any chance you could continue it in some other area of the Internet? (Damn these commercial breaks for cutting you off!)
A: There are other areas on the Internet?
Q: Are you going to stop answering questions here, in the interest of allowing the nation to recuperate?
A: Yes.
