Black is the New BeigeThe rain has taken a break for now. The sun shines bright.The foliage is verdant and green. A couple of crows are gangsta-rapping with Mojo the Doberman outside my window. Those crows look pretty thin. Is it from hunger or is it their black plumage. I'll never know since I never learnt to speak Caw.
Lea looks good in black (women in black always look gorgeous) Is it because black sets off their skin-tones? The highlights in their hair? The sparkle in their eyes? Lea says,"Black makes one look slimmer." Though why someone as slim as Lea would want to look thinner is beyond my comprehension.
I understand now why Aunt Isabelle , who was a size XXXLL wore black for most of her adult life. Her wardrobe consisted of : black dresses, black saris, black blouses, black trousers, black jeans, black bras, black panties, black coat, black jewellery, black shoes, grey gloves. Why the grey gloves, I'll never know - she punched me out when she caught me rummaging through her closet and I never had the courage to ask.
Contrary to general opinion clothes are neither for warmth, nor for modesty. "Clothes maketh the man" - as one wag opined. If we didn't wear clothes, we maybe would have to wear signboards that said,"I'm a male chauvinist pig with a sadistic streak," or "I want you to think I'm athletic." But clothes take care of this. Now you can tell, from the way he flexes his man-breasts under that unbuttoned-to-the-waist shirt and those tight-at-the-crotch pants, that he has a very large, possibly huge, inferiority complex.
In my book, black is a magical colour! Black is cynicism and beyond. Black is for people who believe in radical change. Black is the offspring of the hippy generation and flower power. The Beatles and KISS(Both Gene Simmons AND the acronym). Black loves truth and beauty but hates aggrandisement.
Used to be, if you went to a party dressed in black and saw someone else, a total stranger. wearing all black, you could go up to her and say, "Let's get out of here."
Now the commoners are wearing it. Neil goes to parties and if I asked him " Who was there?" He'd most likely reply,"Oh, you know a bunch of people wearing black."
So I figure Lea would also complain about about black-wearers in Goa. "They go to parties wearing black, but it's the wrong black, it's like black Remo or something. It looks really stupid ."
I went to a birthday party where everyone, without exception, was in midnight black. Except the hostess - she was in a dreamy mauve by Chaitanya Rao.
Lawyers wear black. Stockbrokers wear black. IT geeks who think, "To hell with the heat, I have to worry about my career", wear black. People who send their kids to international schools wear black. Pilgrims wear black. People who desperately want to know the 'Babush' wear black. People who like Dhoom 2 wear black. Everyone at every FTV party wears black. People who know what "arbitrage" means wear black. My milkman wears black.
Wearing black has lost it's intrinsic meaning.
This has to be stopped. People who are caught wearing black without a permit should be fined. But we can't expect our government to take our enlightened view and pass legislation. We will have to take a page from the VHP book on gratuitous violence. We will have to form our own vigilante groups and prowl the streets. The minute we find a perpetrator wearing black without the proper and correct attitude, we must surround him, point, laugh and then throw white paint on him. This should work.
The next step would be that we, ourselves, stop wearing black. Do I have to tell you what the obvious substitute colour is? I'm guessing you already know that.
Then for some deranged reason filmstars, decadent corporate executives, and the mentally unstable who are considered fashionable in Mumbai and therefore the country (except Bihar) will copy us. They will stop wearing black.
Then we start in again.
