Moses & The Pharaoh
Nadia; one gorgeous hunk of womankind, smart, funny and attractive, though not in that order, and a big part of my life, was invited to her friend Krista’s house for the Passover dinner.
Now Nadia is an American born Indian or ABCD (that’s American Born Confused Desi) whose ancestors EFG (emigrated from Gujarat) where they had a large sprawling HIJ (house in Jamnagar) Sheesh! I outdo myself!
Nadia works with the CDC (Centre for Disease Control) in the U.S., where she currently researches infectious diseases and their historical and empirical importance. Which is why this particular dinner was of major significance. She has now discovered that it was the Old Testament God who is really responsible in the first place for all these infectious diseases.
You see the Old Testament God was a very strict God, unlike the New Testament God who is mellow and loving and forgiving, and would never smite the Philistines and the Pharisees which is something the Old Testament God, tutored by Harlan Ullman, was always doing, by raining down fire and brimstone much like the “shock and awe” tactics of the Americans on the Iraqis.
So in Egypt He forced the Pharaoh, to allow Moses and the Israeli Brickmakers Unions and their families, to leave the country by bringing down upon the Egyptians plagues of frogs, locusts, flies, gnats and dead seafood, turning the Nile into blood, destroying their crops, killing their livestock and their firstborn, and generally raising a stink everywhere; the first prototype weapons-of-mass-destruction.
From this we infer that a whole slew of diseases may have had their origins in Egypt and that the Israelites founded the first Mafia raising "protection" money from the Egyptians by making them Passover all their gold and silver before they had their exit visas stamped and left the country.
There is speculation too that coronary disease was a result of this era, since no matter what disaster took place in the earlier stages of the Exodus, the Lord always “hardened the Pharaoh’s heart,” resulting in blocked arteries – possibly leading to the first bypass surgery Egyptian-style.
And since the Nile was all bloody and polluted, the first deep-bore wells were dug all along its banks to get drinking water.
The Israelites then had to eat unleavened bread, roasted lamb & fresh bitter herbs for all of seven days, whence they discovered that they had better digestion, more roughage, and since there was no yeast fermenting in the dough it made them feel less bloated and not so flatulent.
Later in the week - Easter Monday, Moses was handed down the Ten Commandments carved on stone tablets, and developed the first hernia carrying these down from the mountain, these Commandments are followed to this day along with various amendments, clauses and sub-clauses in Supreme Courts and Kangaroo Courts all over the world.
It may be inferred therefore that the CDC owes its very existence to Moses, the ancient Israelites and the Old Testament God, & should declare the Passover a major annual public holiday and Nadia presented the Abraham Horwitz award.
