Terraflops Continue to Enrich our Lives
I am writing this on my PC which has the extremely popular Windows XP operating system; clone of the first–born to the humongously rich Bill and Melinda Gates.
My computer repairman ( God Bless his Gigabytes) tells me that "Windows Vista", the new version has just been launched – only he pronounces it like the TV guy with the falsetto baritone who goes “ The following programme has been sponsored by Vindows Wista & Wideocon Vashing Machines”
Windows Vista is said to revolutionise the software world once again thanks to its capability of accomplishing the seemingly impossible task of making Bill Gates even richer than he already was.
I confess I am hooked on technology especially computers and keep buying magazines like Chip and Datanerd just to go to the centrefold and ogle at:
EXPLICIT HI-DEFINITION COLOUR PHOTOGRAPHS OF GIGANTIC MOTHERBOARDS!
And to read articles like:
WAX YOUR HARD DRIVE FOR IMPROVED SPEED!
My PC also has the powerful studliness of the AMD Athlon 64-bit processor which combined with the multi-tasking capability of XP allows me to run several programmes at the same time, which means I can waste time faster than ever before.
It also helps me get on the Internet and make contact with thousands of jobless humans whom I would otherwise never have had anything to do with voluntary.
But even without a computer – other amazing technological devices are there to play an important role in our lives, especially the alarm on your cell phone which you punch out every morning at 7 am to make it shut up. Think about it, inside that cell phone is a miniature computer, no larger than the reproductive organs of an ant, capable of understanding not only basic commands like ON, OFF and ALARM, but also advanced concepts like SNOOZE.
And someday computers will develop highly functional capabilities. Which means your cell phone could eventually turn so smart that it will figure out that you REALLY do not want to wake up, it will then tip-toe out of the room, and will silently dial up your boss to inform him that you’re quitting.
It’s not an implausible scenario when you consider all the benefits we derive today from computers in almost every area of our lives.
TRANSPORTATION
Consider the fact that flying in an airliner at 30,000 feet above sea level at almost the speed of sound, not one passenger has paid the same airfare as another. This is because the airlines have very powerful and extremely imaginative fare-inventing computers, so that one day in the near future, when Lalloo becomes the Aviation Minister, a villager from Bhumihaar in Bihar will only be required to pay two chickens and a goat.( Any cancellations / changes will require one cow as penalty)
COMMUNICATIONS
When we urgently need to reach a person anywhere in the world today we press a few buttons on the phone, and in microseconds, thanks to satellite communications and voice mail, a machine informs us that the person is not available.
GOVERNMENT
Today’s government uses computers to spew out a couple of documents every day and about 5000 new forms to be filled without regard to content, so that former pen-pushing employees can be freed up for more important responsibilities, such as not answering their phones and taking extended tea breaks.
My daughter while still a graduate student received a notice from the Department of Income Tax that she owed them five rupees education cess – I guess this was the way the programme worked: The Finance Minister fired off an e-letter to all departments stating that “Fiscal Jurisprudence” should be taught at the grassroots, in schools and colleges, and the smart computer in the Income Tax Office thought to itself “What better way to teach unemployed college grads this, than to make them fill out the requisite forms requiring them to find out why they should not be taxed in the first place.”
Just hope that the Income Tax computers don’t start talking to the Airline–Fare computers and we start getting tax notices to remit 2 chickens with a kilo of onions as penalty.
MEDICINE
A heart–warming story about a man who suddenly starts having severe chest pains and is rushed to the nearest private multi-specialty hospital with state-of-the-art diagnostic machines.
His PAN number is fed into the giant medical database computer which instantaneously informs doctors that the patient has no medical insurance, and has missed his last credit card payment.
The computer then – without having to be asked - disconnects his house electricity and phone lines and transfers his case papers to the Government Hospital 50 kilometers away.
EDUCATION
Your 14-year old son has a book report to do tomorrow morning on the Quit India Movement. No problem! 14-year olds these days are so cyber savvy, he immediately logs on to the “Internet & Revolutionary Information Highway”- and in a matter of minutes is exchanging naked pictures of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton with other teenagers all over the sub-continent.
These and many more areas of our lives are affected, nay benefited by the computer revolution, I wonder if I can get my PC to fix me another Martini?
