My friend Hodishi Takanaka called me yesterday and exulted, “Hey Ken San, You know the new Presiden’ of America is Barack”. I replied,” Yes,Hidoshi San,I know and do you know that he’s also African American.” To which he said,” I tole you jus’ now he was barrack, din you heah me!’ … Ok bad joke!
I always knew that the White House needed some colour, it was too bland thus far. Worse with George Bush in residence and due to neglect in the last 8 years both the White House and America started taking on a sort of greyish-yellow hue.
The new incumbent will need to be concerned about re-decorating, I’m thinking a nice pastel green might be in order, but he would need to scrape off the accumulated gunk before even starting.
A very important issue that Obama and indeed all of us need to be concerned about is the Global Financial Meltdown, and we will get to that shortly, but first we need to discuss what happened the other day in my back yard.
It began when I was in the garage searching for toilet paper (I keep toilet paper in the garage). Suddenly Arjun, the plumber, who also doubles as a part-time gardener shouted: ''There's a snake in the bushes!'' he may have been shouting, “There’s a tiger on my tail”, but he sounded pretty excited. My immediate response was: ''No, thanks! I’ve already had breakfast!'' But he kept jumping up and down on the compound wall so I decided to remedy the situation.
What is called for, by tradition, is for The Man of the House to put down his toilet paper and take charge.
I peeked over the backyard wall, and, sure enough, there was a large yellowish-grey thing, (that did not look remotely like Dick Cheney or any other White House inhabitant), slithering around, and sneaking under a rock. This was a perfect example of why -- no matter what you hear to the contrary -- private citizens have a legitimate need for machine guns. No single-shot air gun is going to bring down a slithering snake at close range. To stop one of those babies, you need to put a LOT of firepower into its hide.
Unfortunately, the only weapon I had was a stick. You know how, in Bollywood war movies, Hrithik Roshan, when it's time to go into battle, gives out a mighty yell and charges boldly forward with his shirt off, muscles bulging and head held high? Well, that is not what I did. I reached slowly into my pocket, careful not to make any sudden movements, and taking out my secret weapon, dialled the Forest Department. Then I made gentle hissing sounds in the direction of the snake designed to assure it that not only was I harmless, but I was also willing, if necessary, to cook it some dinner.
I then grabbed the stick and turned to face the snake just in case it decided to charge, and, looking into the hole into which it had slithered, I swear I saw that it had purple fangs and eyes, which were GLOWING.
When the Forest Department guy arrived he collaborated that this snake was large. This was by FAR the largest snake I have ever encountered.
Are you familiar with the movie ''Anaconda,'' in which Jennifer Lopez is part of a National Geographic survey of the jungle to capture the largest anaconda, a group of cardboard cutouts posing as actors bite off more than they can chew and get swallowed by an over sized and very agitated snake. That sums up the film. What looked like it may have been a flop was saved by a computer graphic snake upstaging all the actors and devouring them. Unfortunately J-Lo survived since she was too glamorous to be devoured and she would have made the snake look tame by comparison by throwing a hissy fit if she was to be eaten. Well, the snake in my backyard looked like it could have used that Anaconda as dental floss.
So anyway, when the snake-catcher coolly pulled out the snake with his bare hands and told me that the 9 foot monster snake was, in fact, a shy non-venomous rat snake, I knew exactly what to do. Specifically, I yelled: ''It's a rat snake!'' This was for the benefit of the neighbours. I'm sure the snake already knew what it was.
''Oh! And don't harm it!'' I told the snake- catcher for further effect.
So there, alone in the wilds of my backyard for a space of time, armed only with a stick, I almost went head-to-head with the Godzilla Devil Snake From Yamalaya. It clearly was not afraid of me. It looked right at me from under the rock in the aggressive, confident manner of a creature that, in the wild, preys on baby water buffalo.
How well did I handle myself? I certainly don't want to blow my own trumpet.
FOREST DEPARTMENT PERSON: Kenneth was very, very brave.
I have kept the stick handy in a corner just in case of another emergency, but I feel good that I also saved a rat snake from harm by calling the Forest Department.
So now the house is quiet again. I am uneasy however. I find myself wondering: Where did that thing COME from? What if there's SOMETHING MORE out there? A killer earthworm?
I frankly don't know how anyone can think about the Global Meltdown at a time like this.
P.S. The Palin headline was a marketing gimmick to see how many more of you would be drawn to read my BlogSpot:). HIDOSHI TANAKA: Confucius say, “Sucker born every minute not rorripop(LOLLIPOP)”
I always knew that the White House needed some colour, it was too bland thus far. Worse with George Bush in residence and due to neglect in the last 8 years both the White House and America started taking on a sort of greyish-yellow hue.
The new incumbent will need to be concerned about re-decorating, I’m thinking a nice pastel green might be in order, but he would need to scrape off the accumulated gunk before even starting.
A very important issue that Obama and indeed all of us need to be concerned about is the Global Financial Meltdown, and we will get to that shortly, but first we need to discuss what happened the other day in my back yard.
It began when I was in the garage searching for toilet paper (I keep toilet paper in the garage). Suddenly Arjun, the plumber, who also doubles as a part-time gardener shouted: ''There's a snake in the bushes!'' he may have been shouting, “There’s a tiger on my tail”, but he sounded pretty excited. My immediate response was: ''No, thanks! I’ve already had breakfast!'' But he kept jumping up and down on the compound wall so I decided to remedy the situation.
What is called for, by tradition, is for The Man of the House to put down his toilet paper and take charge.
I peeked over the backyard wall, and, sure enough, there was a large yellowish-grey thing, (that did not look remotely like Dick Cheney or any other White House inhabitant), slithering around, and sneaking under a rock. This was a perfect example of why -- no matter what you hear to the contrary -- private citizens have a legitimate need for machine guns. No single-shot air gun is going to bring down a slithering snake at close range. To stop one of those babies, you need to put a LOT of firepower into its hide.
Unfortunately, the only weapon I had was a stick. You know how, in Bollywood war movies, Hrithik Roshan, when it's time to go into battle, gives out a mighty yell and charges boldly forward with his shirt off, muscles bulging and head held high? Well, that is not what I did. I reached slowly into my pocket, careful not to make any sudden movements, and taking out my secret weapon, dialled the Forest Department. Then I made gentle hissing sounds in the direction of the snake designed to assure it that not only was I harmless, but I was also willing, if necessary, to cook it some dinner.
I then grabbed the stick and turned to face the snake just in case it decided to charge, and, looking into the hole into which it had slithered, I swear I saw that it had purple fangs and eyes, which were GLOWING.
When the Forest Department guy arrived he collaborated that this snake was large. This was by FAR the largest snake I have ever encountered.
Are you familiar with the movie ''Anaconda,'' in which Jennifer Lopez is part of a National Geographic survey of the jungle to capture the largest anaconda, a group of cardboard cutouts posing as actors bite off more than they can chew and get swallowed by an over sized and very agitated snake. That sums up the film. What looked like it may have been a flop was saved by a computer graphic snake upstaging all the actors and devouring them. Unfortunately J-Lo survived since she was too glamorous to be devoured and she would have made the snake look tame by comparison by throwing a hissy fit if she was to be eaten. Well, the snake in my backyard looked like it could have used that Anaconda as dental floss.
So anyway, when the snake-catcher coolly pulled out the snake with his bare hands and told me that the 9 foot monster snake was, in fact, a shy non-venomous rat snake, I knew exactly what to do. Specifically, I yelled: ''It's a rat snake!'' This was for the benefit of the neighbours. I'm sure the snake already knew what it was.
''Oh! And don't harm it!'' I told the snake- catcher for further effect.
So there, alone in the wilds of my backyard for a space of time, armed only with a stick, I almost went head-to-head with the Godzilla Devil Snake From Yamalaya. It clearly was not afraid of me. It looked right at me from under the rock in the aggressive, confident manner of a creature that, in the wild, preys on baby water buffalo.
How well did I handle myself? I certainly don't want to blow my own trumpet.
FOREST DEPARTMENT PERSON: Kenneth was very, very brave.
I have kept the stick handy in a corner just in case of another emergency, but I feel good that I also saved a rat snake from harm by calling the Forest Department.
So now the house is quiet again. I am uneasy however. I find myself wondering: Where did that thing COME from? What if there's SOMETHING MORE out there? A killer earthworm?
I frankly don't know how anyone can think about the Global Meltdown at a time like this.
P.S. The Palin headline was a marketing gimmick to see how many more of you would be drawn to read my BlogSpot:). HIDOSHI TANAKA: Confucius say, “Sucker born every minute not rorripop(LOLLIPOP)”
