Four-legged Foodies - Part II

And the Blue Ribbon goes to ……

Recently Indu (my sis-in-law remember?) and moi , visited the Chennai Annual Dog Show held by the Kennel Club. This is considered one of the most prestigious dog shows held in the entire South of India on that particular weekend.

It is one of those dog shows in which serious, highly competitive dog snobs enter pedigree dogs that can trace their heredity back 200 generations and their parents are snobbishly called “Sires” and “Dames” (the dogs parents not the owners ) and basically spend their entire lives sitting around being groomed and fed, like Aishwarya and Sushmita .

You cannot compare this show to the show held in Goa though - by the Manekaji Mutt Patrol, a local group that consists of people who adopt stray dogs and cats – reflecting the sussegard attitude of Goa where, the term “formals” means “wearing some kind of clothing.” This dog show is for street dogs, many of whom, technically, by breed, would fall under the category of: “probably some kind of dog.” These are hardworking highly productive dogs, striving to outnumber the population of humans living in Goa.

Street dogs are also like Indus’ dogs that spend their days industriously carrying out their vital dog mission of sniffing every object in the world, and then, depending on how it smells, either (a) barking at it; (b) eating it; (c) attempting to mate with it; (d) making peepee on it; or, in the case of her small excitable dog Pixie, (e) all of the above.

But back to the Kennel Club display of pampered show animals. When we arrived, the last-minute preparations were proceeding with the smooth efficiency of a political riot. There were dozens of dogs on hand, ranging in size from what looked like cotton candy with eyeballs stuck on, all the way up to the Hound from Hell. Naturally every dog, in accordance with the strict rules of dog etiquette, was walking its owner around by the leash, and trying to sniff every other dog’s rear end. Some of the dogs were in costume, maybe they were competing in the Dog and Owner Look-Alike category. (Most of the dogs compete in a number of categories in the show.) Some owners were also wearing costumes – “Look at that”, I said to one of the judges, pointing to a man wearing just a loincloth and a hat, with an extremely old, totally motionless, sleeping Daschund.
“Oh, that’s Ulaganathan,” the judge answered, as if it explained everything.

The judge in question, Shri. Nagachandra Ramakrishna Choudhry (whew!), was a columnist from the local news-daily, with no formal training or expertise in the field in canines, ( Heh! You are joking Saar ! Canines is your teeths!)

You will be relieved to know that there were also other professionals, Shiela Moonsamy ,the Vice –Principal of the pre-school ground where the show was being held, (motto: Let’s clean up this mess!), and the General Manager of a 5-Star hotel which very kindly sponsored the lunches - for the dog- owners , the dogs refused to touch that stuff !

There was also your token foreigner looking very officious, sweaty and red, in a 3-piece suit and tie, under the 36 degree C heat, with a clipboard in hand making wild gestures at the dogs.

Another judge, named Shrimati Haldiram, actually did seem to know a few things about dogs, but I believe she was not totally 100 percent objective, inasmuch as her dog, Kali Bindi, was entered in most of the events. Shrimati H consistently gave Kali very high ratings despite the fact that Kali Bindi is – and I say this with great humility and affection – the ugliest dog in the world. I think she might actually be some kind of highly experimental cloned hyena. Nevertheless, thanks in part to Shrimati Hs’ high marks, Kali did very well in several categories, and actually won the Trick Dog category, even though her trick consisted of – I swear this was the whole trick - chasing her tail for several minutes.

Actually that was a pretty good trick considering the competition. The majority of dogs entered in the Trick Dog event did not actually perform a trick per se. Generally the owner would bring the dog up onto the stage and wave a dog biscuit at it, or play a flute, or wave about or stammer (Hey Rover, hey Rover, C’mon!, c’mon! Hi! Hello!) in a futile effort to get the dog to do something, anything, while the dog looked on with mild interest ,or attempted to get off the stage and mate with the next contestant or the judges leg. My personal favourite in the Trick Dog Category is a small Pekinese whose trick consisted entirely in jumping up and down and making peepee on a napkin.

I could imagine that, with so many strong contestants, both on the stage and hiding under the table, it is not easy being a judge. Nevertheless at the end of the show they had to pick one dog as the Best in Show. It was a big decision, and although there was a strong and objective push for Kali Bindi, it was decided, after an agonizing wait of a fraction of a second, to give the top prize to Ulaganathan, with the old, totally motionless, sleeping Daschund. Ulaganathan got quite emotional when he accepted the trophy, and the judges were touched although they did ask him to make his dog move its paw so that they could see that it was in fact sleeping, and not actually deceased. That Kennel Club has standards you know.